You Might Be A Redneck…

A friend at work sent this to me when she found out that I was from Oregon.  I’ve seen it before as most of you who are from Oregon probably are, but I thought I would personalize it.

You Might Be From Oregon if….

Your children learned to walk in Birkenstocks.

I never wore birks nore do my non-existent children, but I know a lot of people who do, and it wouldn’t surprise me if they put their toddlers in them..we all know that adult things made small for children are irresistable.
You throw an aluminum can in the trash and feel guilty.

Yes, there’s no such thing as recycling in Alaska, so cans and bottles would go in the dumpster and I felt guilt everytime.
You complain about Californians as you sell your house to one for twice as much as you originally paid.

This is probably pretty true.  Doug Buckley, anyone?
You only honk your horn if collision is imminent and never for anything else.

Why would we honk our horns?  I had a friend who got a ticket in high school for honking at her friend on the side of the road, like she was inciting a riot or excersising road rage.
You consider something a “hill” (not a mountain) if it doesn’t have snow on it or has not recently erupted, regardless of its altitude.

This is something that has always been a pet peeve of mine.  Just because it doesn’t look like Mt. Hood doesn’t mean it isn’t a mountain.  True about Oregonians, not true about MKinMotion.
You consider “etiquette” a foreign word.

I have no reaction to this one.  But I always felt like there was a different language in Oregon and I couldn’t use words that had more than 7 letters without someone thinking I was a snob of some sort.
Most of your friends are from California.

The Mad Fishicist, Schmetzger, Noveau Riche all born in Cali.  J-Nard, The Chindo, and MKinMotion are now in Cali.  
You find a wallet with $500 and give it back to the owner.

Definately the case.  Honesty is policy.
You used to live somewhere else but won’t admit it publicly.

I was born in Oregon and lived there until I was 27.
You’ve ever ordered a half caff/decaf, nonfat mocha grande with sugar-free cranberry whip (or you know what it is).

I used to make very complicated coffee drinks professionally…in fact I think it still shows up on my resume.
You know a bride & groom that registered at REI.

Nope.
You’d be miffed if the store was out of your favorite brand of water.

I know what brands are good water, but I would only buy water for the bottle and then reuse it with tap water because the tap water in Portland was great.
Every day is casual Friday.

Pretty true in my experience.  I never wore a tie at work until I moved to Alaska.
Hear the word “ferry” and think of boats and long waits.

Not in my old stomping grounds, but I know they have/had them on the Willamette south of Wilsonville.
Know at least eight people who work for Intel or Nike, or used to work for Tektronix.

I probably knew 8 at each.
You think skiing always means being covered from head to toe, in snow or water.

Not after Alaska, I wouldn’t say this.  

Know that Boring is a town and not just a state of mind.

It’s both if you ask me.
Have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

Of course. 
You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.

As a kid I remember rain but I remember it being soooo cold too.  Remember, Mr. T wore shorts….
You return from a California vacation depressed because ?all the grass was dead.?

In the East Bay the grass turns brilliant green from February thru May and then brown, but I know better than to think it’s dead. 
Remember the date, severity, time of day, where you were, and how long you were out of power and phone service for every winter weather event in the last five years.

Remember the great storm of ’96?  That was awesome, other than the power outages and the flooding and the roof, fence, carpet damage.
You never go camping without waterproof matches, ponchos, and mattress pads that double as flotation devices.

Well, who would? 
You believe swimming is not a sport but a survival skill to prevent boating deaths.

I think when I was a kid the summers were hotter because we spent a lot of time at the neighborhood pool, but never swam in the ocean, lakes or rivers…too cold. 
You own more than 10 articles of clothing that have the names of microbreweries/brewpubs printed on them.

I’d like to own 10 articles of clothing from Oregon breweries…here’s the wishlist if you want to send some swag my way.

Deschutes, BridgePort, Wienhards, McMenamins, Full Sail, Pyramid, Rogue, Widmer 
You think downtown is “scary” because you were panhandled there, once.

Schedule, Schedule…BLB inside joke…not as intimidated with DT Portland as SF…although I talked to more random pan handlers in a couple times in SF than I ever did in PLand.
You replace your hiking boots with Birkenstock or Teva sandals when the weather gets above 60 degrees.

I already dispelled the Birks for me, but 60 degrees is a magically feeling in the spring. 
You believe people who use umbrellas are wimps or Californians, or both.

Umbrellas are for the few people who don’t have casual fridays everyday.

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